


Start Over

by taegiradar



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Feelings, Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, backstory im not in the mood to write, theyre roommates that fell in love, vent fic once again, yes the tag is back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegiradar/pseuds/taegiradar
Summary: Jisung is tired of the rocks life throws at him.Changbin reminds him he doesn't need to keep letting the rocks hit him.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	Start Over

Sometimes life feels like a big joke. A joke that is funny to everyone except you. Jisung looks at the rejection email in his inbox, cursor hovering over the ‘delete’ button.

He expected it, really. He could just feel it in his gut that he was going to receive this exact email, the second the company had texted him that they’d get back to him today. He knew it would happen, and yet there is a heavy feeling in his chest.

He just hoped the feeling in his gut was wrong. Just this once.

In hindsight - it was a stupid hope to have. Good things don’t happen to Jisung. He’s rarely ever been lucky in the things that matter to him. He has accepted this part of his life as naturally as he accepted that the sky is blue and the rain clouds are grey. He has known for years, that sometimes he just simply isn’t enough. Not smart enough, not experienced enough - not good enough. He accepts it, brushes it off when he’s reminded time and time again of this fact and continues on with life. Because really, that’s all he can do, right? There’s only so much wallowing Jisung can do. He has learned the hard way that fixating on the reminders and dwelling on them will not only make _him_ feel more miserable but the people around him too. So he stopped. Stopped having high expectations of himself, stopped complaining to others when life throws him another reminder and stopped _hoping_.

But stupidly enough, he let himself have hope this time around.

He was just so excited about this job. It had everything he was interested in, the pay was good, the people were really nice and the interview had gone so well. The bosses had praised him, praised his skills and talent and dedication. They had ended the interview with a ‘hope to see you onboard’ - but _still_.

He wasn’t enough. He isn’t enough.

Not for this job, not for the 5 others he applied for, not for his previous job - but particularly, he wasn’t enough for himself. He couldn’t even meet his _own_ expectations. How was he supposed to meet the expectations of all these companies? Of the people around him?

Jisung knows he has to work harder. Put in more effort - do _more_. But it’s so hard. It’s hard when every day is a challenge in itself for Jisung. It’s like his path in life is constantly changing, constantly being reworked. He has no straight view on anything - and it frustrates him.

“Sung?”

Jisung finally tears his eyes away from the screen, looking over to his bedroom door. In the blur of it all, he sees his one clarity. The one good thing that _has_ happened to him.

Changbin is smiling at him. Changbin is always smiling at him. He has this look in his eyes, one that makes Jisung feel like his heart is fully exposed. Maybe it is, because Changbin takes one look at him and instantly knows something is up. He takes soft steps to Jisung, settling down next to him on the bed Jisung barely uses himself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” A question that’s redundant, because Jisung tells Changbin everything.

No matter how difficult it is, Jisung talks to him. Changbin was the one who taught him to open up again, to feel again. Changbin gave Jisung enough love that it helped him, even if the elder has constantly tried to deny that he did anything. Deep down, he knows it’s because Jisung has helped him as much as Changbin has, so it doesn’t feel like a big thing. They showered each other with love so special and intense that they both grew together, blossoming more and more each day.

So when Changbin asks a question he doesn’t even need to, Jisung falls a little bit more in love.

“I got rejected. Again.” Saying it out loud makes it hurt more, because admitting failures is still something Jisung has trouble with.

The emotion on Changbin’s face doesn’t change. There’s no pity, there’s no worry - it’s just _love_.

“I’m proud of you.” Changbin raises his hand to run it through Jisung’s soft hair.

Changbin is proud of him. Even after every rejection, every failure - Changbin is still proud of him.

It overwhelms Jisung, then. The hurt, the exhaustion, the failed expectations. It all showers over him at once, and he cries. He cries onto Changbin’s shirt, letting it all flow out of him. He holds onto Changbin, gripping him like he’s going to float away. (He won’t - Jisung will always know this). They stay like that for a while, just being in each other’s presence. The comfort of the small pats on his back and Changbin’s soft whispers of ‘it’s okay’ soothes him enough to eventually stop the tears. His heart feels lighter, and as he removes himself from the elder, he lets out a small chuckle.

“I’m a mess.” Jisung wipes the remaining tears on his face with his hands, before Changbin takes them away to wipe it with his already damp shirt.

Changbin doesn’t laugh. He just has the same fond smile on his face, the one he always has when he looks at Jisung. “You’re doing okay.”

Jisung smiles too, then. He smiles, knowing that it’s true. He’s doing fine, even when life seems to only be throwing him curveballs. Even when he doesn’t feel enough.

Because he’s always going to be enough for Changbin. Even on the days he feels his worst, the days where everything around him seems to be crashing down - he’s always going to be enough for Changbin.

That security settles within Jisung’s heart. It makes its place there, reminding Jisung that he will always have a home to go back to. Somebody he doesn’t need to prove himself to. Someone who loves him for _him_ \- and that’s it. No matter what skills, talent, or experience he has (or doesn't), Jisung will always be enough for Changbin.

That gets Jisung to finally click the delete button on that email, seeing it disappear from his inbox - as if it never existed.

He can always try again.

**Author's Note:**

> based on a true story except i don't have a changbin
> 
> (because writing out my feelings and projecting my problems onto kpop boys is free therapy) (jokes... haha)
> 
> say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/eternitytrack) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/eternitytrack).


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